


Not Good Enough for a Cliché

by elninhoe



Series: Never Good Enough [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Angst, Drama, Fluff, M/M, Sexual Content, dick grayson’s midlife crisis, exes getting back together n shit, idk how to tag shit, no beta we die like robins, yeh that’s it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:42:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23623330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elninhoe/pseuds/elninhoe
Summary: He didn’t know a lot about literature, but Jane Austen must have a perfect quote and if not, maybe it’d attract his ex and they could date again. Dick was desperately hoping for the latter.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd, minor Roy Harper/Wally West, slight Dick Grayson/Roy Harper
Series: Never Good Enough [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1700479
Comments: 21
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is a sequel to Sex Crimes because um I felt bad about the ending. you might wanna read at least the last chapter before jumping into this, but i don’t think it’s necessary. it just gives more background on what happened.

In all his years of being alive, Dick has felt like a horrible person many times before.

He didn’t believe he was a good brother to Tim and Damian. He was sure he disappointed Bruce when he didn’t go to university after high school. In a way, he also blamed himself for his parents’ deaths and that made him feel the most horrible.

He never felt horrible in Jason’s arms, gently rubbing his back while he could rant about whatever was up with him. Sometimes he’d talk about Bruce, sometimes work. Sometimes he’d also just talk the most bullshit and complain about how his nose was cold.

Shit, his nose really was cold and despite Dick’s efforts to warm it up, sitting outside in the cold didn’t quite help him.

Dick must’ve reread the entire conversation a thousand times, watching the ‘delivered’ text turn into ‘read’ seconds after he was done with his story. He swallowed hard as he picked himself up from the ground, positive his ass must be numb now thanks to the cold.

Breaking up with his fiancé through text may be one of the biggest asshole moves he has ever made, especially after running away at the altar.

Perhaps twenty-two was too early to get married anyways, but there must’ve been ways for the universe to inform him of that. Instead, the universe seemed to have let him alone.

So here he was, sitting in front of an apartment building he used to be so familiar with, but now felt like the last place he should be at. Even the landlord was giving him unwelcome stares while usually, she was so hospitable to him.

It seemed like the universe loved to just let him fuck up his relationship and then remind him that his ex probably has so many people who love and support him, even the unlikely ones.

His ex, it still felt weird to refer to Jason as that, but it was a truth he couldn’t deny. Hell, it was a truth that he created by sending that damned text. It was his fault that he was single, that he wasn’t on his honeymoon right now. That he was instead almost crying in the unbearable cold that was Gotham in winter, wishing he had the comforting leather jacket that he’d usually be given whenever he’s cold.

He fucked up, but he was aware of it. He knew it was his fault, so he didn’t allow himself to cry. He should be the last person to feel sad in this situation.

When a happy couple passed by him, wanting to enter the building, Dick finally stood up from the doorstep. He avoided the concerned look the girl gave him and just moved aside for them. He kept his head low as he waited for the couple to disappear into the building and the door to slam shut.

The landlord was still giving him dirty looks and he decided to also take that as his cue to just leave. He wasn’t willing to fight a lady who definitely owns a gun, especially not a lady who most likely grew up in Gotham.

Despite the negative energy coming from her, Dick still had to approach her. He reached for the envelope in his pocket as he neared her and he was sure he saw her reaching for something as well, but stopped when she saw what was in his hands.

“I know… I know you’ve heard about it, but…” Dick said, his voice trembling as he held out the envelope. “Please give this to him. I can’t face him, not yet, but I can’t have it nor sell it.”

He swallowed hard as he watched the landlord take the envelope from him and kept his mouth shut when she tried to feel the content through the envelope. It took a few seconds, but her eyes widened when she finally seemed to have realized what she was just given.

“Richie, but this is…”

It pained him that he’d never hear her call him Richie again, even though he never liked the nickname. “It is and I don’t wanna give it up either, but I have to,” he explained, blinking hard when he felt his eyes get watery.

She pocketed the envelope and Dick expected that to be the end of their conversation, but was surprised when she suddenly pulled him in for a hug.

“Don’t forget to take good care of yourself, Richard. Wouldn’t want something bad to happen to you,” she whispered, a few inches shorter than Dick was, but still forcing him to kneel a little so she could comfortably pat his head.

Headpats, he didn’t know how comforting they’d be until he felt a couple of tears slowly stream down his cheeks.

He knew she must’ve noticed it before he did, she always did, but he still liked to pretend that when he pulled away, she was confused. That she was curious why he suddenly ran away, only giving “gonna miss the bus!” as reason while he clearly pulled his car keys out of his pockets.

He ignored the soft Richie he heard once he stood on the pavement and just ran the distance towards his car, which was just around the corner.

He couldn’t help but notice how his ring finger felt so empty though.

* * *

How was he twenty-two, owns an apartment in another city, actually likes that city more on most days, but still spends most of his days at his adoptive father’s house?

Alfred Pennyworth, that was definitely the answer. Alfred and just everything that man is capable of like his cooking. Especially his cooking.

And who else was a good cook? Jason fucking Todd. God, why did he have to date a guy like that?

The universe liked to fuck him over, that was it. The answer to all his questions.

Sitting in the library with a plate of homemade pasta and a classic book just reminded him even more of his ex and was heartbreak supposed to be like this? He expected the tears, he didn’t expect the depressing pasta and Jane Eyre.

He decided to also just ignore the disgusted look coming from his youngest brother when he decided to march into the room, demanding that Dick drove him to Jon’s house. Damian backtracked though when he saw the state Dick was in though.

When was the last time he had combed his hair? He had washed it, of course, but that’s all he did. Took a shower and put on the first pajama he could find, which happened to be an old pair of sweatpants and an even older Thor t-shirt. He was pretty sure the stubble he had been growing was getting messy and just far from neat, but who was paying attention to him?

Everyone, of course, but not the person he cared about.

Just for Damian’s sake, Dick pretended like he didn’t notice the bouquet in his brother’s backpack or what looked like a letter sticking out of his pocket, sealed with a tiny green heart.

He continued to listen to Damian shout for Alfred and ask - read: demand - if he could ride him to Jon’s house. When he oh-so-quietly announced he had to deliver something important to Jon, it only took Dick two seconds to figure out what was going on.

As happy as he was for Damian that he had found someone to love, Dick couldn’t ignore the pang going right through his heart.

* * *

Damian wasn’t the only one who seemed to be crushing on someone, though Tim was more… subtle around it.

Or he just didn’t mention it at all and no one even knew Conner and Tim knew each other until Bruce walked in on the boys, um, wrestling.

That was the explanation they had to give Damian, even though Damian could probably teach them more about sex education than anyone else.

Everyone blamed Talia because as much as they wanted to say it was Bruce, they appreciated not being orphans or homeless.

At first, it was humorous how Damian was crushing on Jon Kent while Tim was dating Conner Kent, but while he could laugh with Alfred about it for a couple of minutes, it hurt a little.

He wasn’t interested in dating a Kent, he wouldn’t dare to steal Lois’ husband, but he couldn’t help the bit of jealousy when watching his brothers be happy.

Wasn’t part of being the oldest brother being a good example while the youngest was supposed to show how it wasn’t done? Why did this family have to do everything so backward?

His family was both backward and ridiculous, that’s something he realized soon after he was adopted by Bruce and it was just the two of them and Alfred. Things got way crazier with Tim around, who might give Einstein a run for his money.

Finding out that Bruce had been with Talia al Ghul at some point was at least in the top three most stupid things the family has done, but hey, it gave them Damian. Was that a good thing? Maybe.

But Bruce appeared to like surprising people with more and more of his ridiculous ideas that he all deems to be ‘genius’. The surprise couldn’t have had a worse timing though.

“Master Wayne has proposed to Mrs. Kyle,” Alfred announced, not daring to look the boys he saw as his grandchildren in the eyes. He noticed the confused, shocked and depressed all at once stares though. “She has accepted.”

As if on cue, they could hear the clear laughter of a female echoing in the halls. Dick wondered if they could also hear his heart drop.

“Excuse me, but…” Damian broke the silence and even he sounded shaken up. “What the hell did you just say.”

It was one thing to know Bruce and Selina had gone public with their relationship and also revealed their engagement, but another to hear that they waited a few weeks because they were worried about Dick’s reaction, considering the wedding drama.

And they were damned right about it, but when Bruce asked him if he was over it at dinner that evening, Dick just nodded. He kept his eyes on his soup, not in the mood to see how close Bruce and Selina were sitting to each other and enjoy themselves.

He didn’t want to look to his left and see Tim’s phone light up every few seconds with a message coming from Conner, didn’t want to see how the background was them at the amusement park they went to recently.

Didn’t want to look to his right and notice Damian’s phone in his lap, his hoodie pulled over his head to cover his Airpods even though it was obvious he was calling with Jon.

He didn’t even finish his soup and left the rest of the food untouched before he excused himself from the table. When Alfred asked if it was because he didn’t like the food, he quickly shook his head: the day he ever dislikes something made by Alfred will be the same day the impossible happens.

Take getting together with his ex again as an example.

Claiming that he was just tired and needed a nap, that he’d eat something later, was enough for Alfred to let him go. Hesitantly, but he could go.

“Master Richard,” Alfred said right when Dick was about to get out of his sight and somehow, somehow Dick already knew what was most likely to come.

Alfred was no old landlord though who, while he definitely could do it, wouldn’t threaten him with a gun.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ll be okay, but you need time to recover.”

Dick managed to crack a smile, promising to not forget the advice. How could he ever forget something said by Alfred? Very few things were more impossible than that.

The promise didn’t seem like it was what Alfred hoped for, but it was acceptable. Dick bid him goodbye before walking the halls of the Manor, heading towards the library as he tends to do on most days.

All he could think about was the images of his family being happy with their significant others while he was sitting there in a dark library, surrounded by books that reminded him of a man who dragged him into a cliché love story that wasn’t good enough to be true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i spent like 20min unsure if Alfred calls Dick Master Dick or Master Richard. i’m still not sure 
> 
> comments are always appreciated so don’t be scared to share your thoughts!
> 
> and if you wanna stalk me (from at least 6ft distance tho) my tumblr is elninhoee


	2. Chapter 2

Most people would think he’s crazy for being so much into aliases, preferring to use certain names in certain situations. He could be Dick Grayson one second, the happy-go-lucky circus boy. Then he could be Richard Wayne the next second, Bruce Wayne’s oldest son who tends to run his mouth a bit.

Then there were tons of other aliases. Robin, but only because he grew up playing superheroes with other children and Robin would be his superhero name. He passed the name and the character’s story onto Tim and later to Damian.

He briefly considered using Red Robin as his next alias, but he was done with the color red for a while. Tim seemed like he was more than happy to continue with the Red Robin thing, happier than Dick could’ve been with it.

And then there was Nightwing, something he had chosen because it was yet another part of his youth, but a less prominent one. It stuck with him for most of his career though, but he had to ruin the name by allowing his ex to call him that and post him online under that alias.

Now all he was was Agent 37. Not a bad achievement, but sometimes he missed just being Nightwing, the only cop whose real name criminals never knew. Some didn’t even know what he looked like.

He had no idea how ‘criminals don’t know me’ translated to his colleagues as ‘I’m scary’, but it did. On most days, Dick found it just a little annoying how he could hear them hesitate to approach him, be too afraid to piss him off that they didn’t dare staying in the same room as him alone.

On most days, he wasn’t heartbroken and alternating between digging through some files he was supposed to check out and some Jane Austen book he had picked up. Not  _ Pride and Prejudice _ , that’d be too unsurprising.

Well, he’d be told how unsurprising it was by someone who knew their literature a little too well.

Someone like Jason.

Dick dropped his head onto his desk, startling the few people around him judging by the gasps. He just had to change every little thought he had into something about Jason and fuck, he  _ hated _ it.

On some days he hated being Agent 37 because he had no one to talk to. He had no one to tell about how bad he was feeling, ask for advice on what to do. Maybe, just maybe, even ask if he should keep trying, but he doubted Jason would take someone like him back. Dick knew he’d take him back in a heartbeat though.

He must’ve had at least three cups of coffee at this point and even more cups of water, but one glance at the clock told him his shift was almost over. Or, well, just the hours that he needed to spend in his office as he knew he’d probably spend a few more hours reading through files anyways.

Didn’t mean he was excited to do that, but at least he didn’t have a water dispenser at home that he could use constantly as some sort of distraction.

His hands were shaky as he held the plastic cup under the machine, forgetting for just a second that he was supposed to press a button until he realized he was staring at nothing. With a sigh he pressed the button, keeping his finger on it until the cup was filled to its brim.

The cold water hitting his fingers reminded him that he wasn’t some kind of waterbender and that he had to let go of the button. He wanted to bang his head against the machine, but he was conscious enough to notice one of his colleagues heading in his direction, seemingly nervous.

“Grayson?” the woman asked once she was standing close to him and the worried tone surprised him a little. Did he know who she was? No, fuck no he didn’t. He knew they’ve worked together before, he recognized her face, but couldn’t remember her name.

Dick tried to flash her a smile, something that didn’t do its job in making her less worried as her expression didn’t change. “Is anything wrong?” he decided to ask. They only came to him when something had happened anyways, so he didn’t expect anything else.

People really enjoyed surprising him, the universe liked to keep reminding him of that. “No, no. Nothing happened, everything’s okay,” she said hurriedly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I wanted to ask you something a little personal, if you don’t mind?”

Yes, he did mind, but this was the friendliest conversation he’s had with someone who didn’t know what he had done. “No, of course not,” he lied.

He hated watching his coworker, her reluctance only making him more nervous for the question. He just drank his water, eyes occasionally looking up at the clock to count down the minutes until he could go.

“I just wanted to ask since we, well, we often leave work at the same time and…”

And somehow Dick already knew where this was going. He drank up his entire cup in one go and refilled it, only to do the exact same thing again.

“And I didn’t mean to, um, breach your privacy or so, but I noticed that I haven’t seen the male that usually picks you up for a while,” she continued and Dick wished he could drown himself in the tiny cup of water. “You also look so… distracted nowadays and I can’t help but be worried those two things are related.”

“So what’s your question?” he harshly cut her off, his tone a little sharper than he liked, but suddenly he didn’t want to talk to people anymore. “Sounds like you’ve got it all figured out.”

He ignored the flinch as the woman rubbed her shoulder, sheepishly apologizing. “I just want to ask if you’re okay?” she asked, but quickly seemed to change her question when she saw Dick’s glare. “And— and me and some others are going for drinks tonight. I thought… maybe you’d like to join?”

He filled the cup for a third time, checked the clock one more time and then turned around.

“Sorry, not interested in mindless chatter,” he said, leaving the woman behind as he headed towards his desk. He grabbed his car keys, phone and a leather jacket that he had found in his closet. It still smelled like gasoline and a cologne that he had bought, but not for himself.

Dick wasn’t sure if he should take the book with him, but he couldn’t just leave Jane Austen alone on his desk. Even if his goal was to forget everything that had to do with literature, gasoline and the color red by the end of the night.

* * *

Maybe he was a bad person for heading to a bar he knows his ex visits with his friends regularly, but with the intention of finding someone else to occupy his thoughts or at least get him drunk to the point he’s at great risk for an alcohol poisoning.

Or maybe he did come in in the hope that he’d find his ex sitting in one of the rusty stools by the bar, laughing with his friends as they drank away the night. Would Dick show him that he was doing fine by flirting with another man in front of his eyes? He hadn’t considered it until he even allowed himself to admit his hopes.

It was empty though, only a few tables occupied and not even a handful of seats taken by the bar. Not what he was hoping for, but hey, he could read his book and enjoy some of the finer drinks in life. That, or he’s lucky enough to catch someone’s attention when the bell ringed when he closed the door again.

A few people looked up at the sound of someone entering, but no one’s gaze lingered for more than two seconds. Looked like a night of drinking then, hope that this odd sense of serenity that he didn’t expect from this kind of place lasted and wasn’t some kind of facade.

Dick could judge by the way he was greeted by the bartender that it wasn’t some facade. The bartender, who had introduced himself as Guy, said something about scaring away shady customers and troublemakers. Keep his place be something he can be proud of.

Guy was easy to talk to, Dick found that out quickly. Not that he was doing a lot of the talking: this linebacker looking guy was doing a fine job just rambling about the customers that stop by.

“…and then there’s my partner and his friends. Between us, I would’ve definitely thrown them out if only it wasn’t for my partner insisting they were good guys,” Guy said with a small chuckle, sounding not completely convinced of his boyfriend’s judgement. “Their morals are… questionable, but I recognize a good man when I see one. They’re alright.”

Dick hummed along as if he was paying attention. In reality the information went through one ear and left from the other. The only bits of info he bothered memorizing were Guy’s name, the fact he’s taken and probably would and also has swept the floor with customers he doesn’t like.

A respectable man, he could figure that much. He had even forgotten to read his book, just sipping every drink that was slid towards him. He wasn’t even sure what he was drinking, kept asking to just be surprised, but it was definitely nice. He began to understand why his ex liked this place so much.

He could hear the bell ringing again and only spared whoever was entering a brief glance before turning back to his glass.

With his lips pressed against the rim of the glass, he realized the figures entering looked  _ very _ familiar. Both in a nostalgic and frightening way.

Guy confirmed his fear when he greeted the two newcomers, leaning over the counter to kiss one of them, judging by the sound. “Hey love. Hey Roy,” he individually greeted them and Dick finally fated to look at the two.

Kyle Rayner and Roy Harper. Of course, his ex’s best friends just had to show up, but Jason himself could not. Not to mention, Roy was Jay’s best man at the wedding while they had enlisted Kyle many, many,  _ many _ times to help with the decor. Both played important parts in the wedding and even now Dick was thankful for that.

If he had to say, judging by how Kyle gave him one look and rolled his eyes while Roy full on ignored him, thankfulness wasn’t enough.

Dick sighed and took a sip from his drink— he really had to ask what he was being poured at some point, it was  _ good _ . Much better than having to think about how Roy took the seat right next to him and was invading his personal space by sliding his elbow just a little too close. The thing just was that he didn’t want to anger Roy, no one dared to do that.

Deep down, a memory from so many years ago, Dick still considered the guy one of his best friends. Always much bolder than the rest of the group, but a good man at heart.

Nothing had changed and Dick was happy for that, maybe even proud.

He didn’t know much about Kyle though, other than that he was an artist and occasionally also starred in his friends’, um,  _ videos _ . In an attempt to maybe get a conversation going where he could apologize, Dick was also planning to ask Kyle how work was going.

Looked like he was too caught up with his boyfriend though, talking to him about something having to do with a kitchen renovation.

As he returned his gaze to settle upon his glass or, hell, maybe even the book he had thrown next to his glass, he allowed himself to glance at Roy. He was surprised when he found out that he wasn’t the only one allowing themselves a brief look at an old friend.

“It had been a while, Dick,” the words eventually came from Roy’s mouth, speaking in a totally uninterested manner. Not unsurprisingly of course, but it still sounded polite, which did surprise him a bit.

He nodded slowly, not daring to meet Roy’s eyes, so instead looking at his arm. “I didn’t know you were still drinking,” Dick said after a while. It took him three seconds to realize he should’ve carefully considered his words and he knew he must’ve been getting glared at, but he took another sip of his drink to hide his nerves.

“Really missed how much of an insufferable asshole you are,” Roy remarked in astonishing calmness that should’ve set off Dick’s fight or flight response. Even Roy seemed to think that was what was going to happen, but it didn’t.

Instead Dick felt confident enough to make eye contact, a cocky smile on his face. “I’m whelmed that you missed me,” he said, sarcasm laced in his tone, but then it took a more concerned turn. “Roy… I’m serious though, didn’t you say you were stopping with drinking?”

Roy scratched the back of his neck and then all the excuses came. Too many parties, having to impress girls, it cleared his mind and so much more, but Dick couldn’t help but notice how red Roy’s eyes looked and… almost out of it, barely conscious of his surroundings maybe.

The contradictions came quickly, as if Roy had already forgotten what he previously said. Constantly looking around the room, as if he was trying to find someone and the longer he talked, the more evident the panic in his voice became. That was paired with the slow reaction time when Dick called out his name several times and it was only after the fifth try that Roy finally responded.

“I don’t need your help, Richard,” Roy said, snapped out of his trance within a second and Dick needed a moment to take it in.

The use of his full name, refusing any help and those eyes, always begging for help. He had seen it way too often to the point he could almost just envision it being someone else’s eyes, those of one person in particular.

“Roy, I don’t want you to end up like Jason, so please just let me…” Dick tried carefully, knowing he was walking through a minefield. Roy didn’t only look like he was going to drink himself absolutely wasted, but the red eyes and odd behavior told him alcohol wasn’t the only thing consumed tonight. Mentioning Jason as well was just the recipe for disaster.

“Jay?” Roy repeated, unsurprisingly sounding just like what Dick would expect the devil to sound like. “You’re the last person here who has the fucking right to talk about him. He’s my best friend and you can believe whatever fantasies you have about him, but he’s not - and I won’t say it twice - a drug addict.”

Dick took a deep breath and silently repeated to himself that this wasn’t about Jason and whatever addictions he has, but about Roy. “But you are,” he simply stated. He wished he didn’t have to be blunt about it, but it seemed like that was the only way Roy would listen to him.

Roy huffed, but turned away his body enough that Dick couldn’t clearly see his expressions. “Well, die mad about it.”

“C’mon Roy…” Dick sighed, though he knew this was almost hopeless. He didn’t want to give up though: almost isn’t completely. “I know you hate me for, you know, the wedding and all that…”

“He had already dedicated his entire fucking life to you,” Roy interrupted harshly, those usually green inviting eyes glaring at him and suddenly Dick was glad looks couldn’t kill and that the venomous scorpion on his right arm was just a tattoo. “and you left him right at the fucking altar, looking like a fool. Broke up through text with a bullshit reason that, may I say, could be offensive towards sex workers. Now I’m not saying my relationships have been amazing, but at least I treated my partners better than you ever cou—.”

“That’s enough, Roy," he cut him off, his voice loud enough for everyone in the bar to look up, but shaking just enough for only Roy to clearly hear it. "I know you don’t like me anymore after what happened, but we used to be friends when we were teens, remember?”

“Oliver forced me to play friends with you. That was no friendship," Roy quickly corrected.

To a certain degree, Dick did actually agree that it was forced. Apparently being adopted by a businessman meant having to deal with other businessmen children and it was annoying at first. However, both of them knew that after a while they were the ones asking to see each other. For a long time, Dick even thought it was possible for the two of them to date, but things change.

Facts about their previous friendship didn’t though. "Except that it was," Dock said, his voice returning to something more calm, but with a slight edge to all of his words. "You know that I care about you. Wally… I don’t know about him, but you two also used to be close. I’m sure he’d hate to see you like this.”

He tried to pretend he didn’t see Roy flinch when he carefully put a hand on the redhead’s shoulder. It stung a bit when his hand was shrugged away without second thought.

“Except that there’s nothing wrong with  _ this _ ," Roy eventually mumbled and grabbed his glass. As if words were supposed to appear on the glass and assure Dick that he was okay.

Dick waited for a second, just playing along, before opening his mouth. “You’re drinking away your sorrows and don’t lie to me, I know you were smoking some sort of drugs with Kyle before you came here.”

“You’re still a pain in the ass.”

“I know, but I also know I’m less annoying to deal with than Dinah,” Dick pointed out, trying to remind his friend of where he’d end up if Oliver found out about any of Roy’s issues. As if the man himself had none. “Are she and Oliver still together?” he decided to ask, change the topic just so they could breathe for a second.

Wrong decision as Roy immediately seemed uncomfortable, his hand shaking as he put it on top of the bar. “Don’t know, haven’t spoken to Oliver since…” he admitted quietly ans Dick knew exactly what incident he was talking about.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say it if you don’t want to. I was just curious,” he quickly said, just wanting to comfort his friend, but not wanting to invade his personal space as well. All he could do was offer support with words, not the best option, but all he thought he could do.

“So what about you?” Roy asked out of nowhere, snapped out of his little mood instantly.

“What about me?”

“You just called me out for drinking away my sorrows, but what about the perfect boy wonder?” Roy teased in the same way he did years ago. Before shit hit the fan, before Roy started his journey to find his place in the world. That was the sophisticated way to put it, at least, and sophisticated was far from the way Roy left.

Dick figured he should be honest though, or at least as honest as he could be without his head being bitten off. “Trying to forget an engagement and wedding that I blindly agreed to.”

“To be fair, you did ask if one year together is too soon for a proposal on Instagram,” Roy mumbled. “I mean, it was cute and all, but that proposal did end up with you two being the type of people to appear on Dr. Phil.”

Dick scoffed. “Yeah, we’d appear on Dr. Phil for our dysfunctional relationship while you’d appear on it for your dru—“

“What part of I have no fucking problem don’t you get? I don’t need your interventions.” There it was again, Roy’s venomous tone and Dick’s gratefulness that looks couldn’t kill.

“But you do need someone to talk to,” Dick said, refusing to give up just yet.

But it looked like Roy had given up on him a long time ago. “I have Jason,” he simply said.

“I don’t see him though,” Dick said maybe a little too fast, earning him yet another glare. “Look, I know you’d probably die for him or commit a murder, but I don’t want to fight.”

Roy laughed as if he had just told him a joke. “Me neither, but you’re asking for it,” he said and Dick felt like he had every right to feel threatened.

“Except I’m not?” Dick asked nervously as he prayed wouldn’t die tonight. “Look, how about this: I’ll tell you about what’s bothering me. If you feel at ease afterwards, you can tell me about what’s on your mind?”

“I don’t need your sympathy, Grayson,” Roy’s stubbornness continued. It seemed almost as if he was willing to give up everything except his stubbornness and his best friends.

Dick could respect that.

“No, you don’t,” he said, completely aware that sympathy was the last thing he should show to someone like Roy. He noticed the confused glance though. “But you do need to clear your mind and if I have to open first before you feel comfortable enough to do the same then so be it,” he continued, the only goal in his mind right now being to get his friend to feel comfortable around him again.

Roy took a gulp from his drink, some of its contents spilling out when he clumsily put it down. “Isn’t that how group therapy works?” he asked, his speech appearing to be slowing down.

“Probably, I don’t know. My family just rants to Alfred and Alfred says something about how he’s glad he doesn’t have kids,” he replied, not thinking too much about how therapy would work. That was a thought he never wanted to consider.

“Fine… what’s your problem, Dick?”

“Well, thank you for asking, Roy. I’m still just thinking about the engagement and the wedding. I mean, I broke up with him, I left him at the altar and wasn’t brave enough to face him, so broke up through text—“

“Shit, this may sound crazy, but I think I’ve already heard about this. You know, because I actually care about my best friend.”

“And you’re more insufferable than your best friend. Anyways,” Dick said and then just paused. “I just feel like it’s a… a mistake, I guess. I swear I wanted to marry him. I wanted to be with him until death, but I can’t get used to the entire porn thing.”

“He said you were comfortable with him recording you two together though? Or on his own or, hell, even with me a few times.”

“I… I also was comfortable with it,” Dick confirmed, but didn’t quite trust his own words to sound genuine. “He made a living doing something he enjoys and I know you two. You’re best friends, that’s all.”

“Doesn’t sound like there was a problem then,” Roy shrugged, but it was clear that he didn’t just completely dismiss the idea because of what was a blatant lie. He was sharper than that, way more than people expect.

“No, technically not, but I just…” Dick tried, but wasn’t sure if he could share the full details of why he broke up with Jason, so just continued with the reason that everyone seemed to be aware of. “Haven’t you ever noticed he hasn’t posted a single video with me?”

“I don’t know. Haven’t really focused on that. I do know that I have seen that one video of you two outside fucking against a police car,” Roy said casually, as if fucking porn was a normal thing they regularly talked about. Then Dick remembered that Roy doesn’t just star in some of Jason’s videos, but also has his own page.

Apparently he has a type and it’s sex workers.

“Yeah, he committed a sex crime as we dubbed it,” Dick said. As much as it was a good memory, the night that he and Jason had made that stupid joke and made the decision to date and see where it takes them, it pained him that those nights wouldn’t return.

Roy wheezed and shook his head slowly, though not quite in disapproval. More in amusement, it seemed. “Way to make him sound like a sex offender,” he chuckled.

Dick raised his shoulders, ignoring the voice in his head telling him that Jason had said the exact same thing that night. “He could’ve been registered as one if we were caught.”

“And so could you.”

“That’s besides the point, Roy. Let me tell my story.”

“Okay, damn, fine.”

With that, Dick spilled all of his thoughts to Roy. Roy, who surprisingly enough, didn’t make any snarky comments or even showed any signs of disapproval. Dick shared how he felt about the text he had sent, the ring he had returned. How his entire family suddenly seemed to have someone and how much it made him miss Jason despite all his imperfections

Roy just listened and it was all that Dick could’ve possibly asked for and more.

“I… I just miss him. He’s one of the best things that have ever happened to me and I still love him, but I doubt he’ll ever even want to see me again,” Dick eventually admitted, rapidly blinking away the tears in his eyes as it felt like there was something in his throat.

His story seemed to have caught Guy’s and Kyle’s attention as he noticed Guy sliding him a glass of water while Kyle handed him a tissue. Dick accepted both, taking a large gulp from the water before dabbing the tissue against his watery eyes.

Roy reluctantly opened his mouth after a few moments spent in silence, all four of them scared to say the wrong thing. “…to be fair, you did break up with him, left him at the altar and judged him for being a sex worker,” Roy said, as if that was the right thing to say.

It was the truth though, so Dick just swallowed his pride and nodded. “I know. I know very well that I fucked up.”

“Yeah, you did,” Roy said, further rubbing salt into the wound. Dick felt like he deserved it though. “Not to mention that you’re talking about wanting him back and everything, but weren’t you the one who blocked him on everything so that he can’t contact you?”

Jesus, just how much did Roy know?

Dick could only nod once again. “Yeah, but…”

“No excuses, Grayson. Do you need another recap of all the things you’ve done just to remind you that you should be the  _ last _ person to be sad,” Roy reminded him, tossing the entire salt shaker into the wound. “If you really wanted him back, which I can promise you he does  _ not _ want, you would’ve tried! Or at least apologized!”

As Roy’s voice grew louder, more people began to pay attention to them. Suddenly Dick really hated how few people were visiting the bar tonight.

Before Dick could say anything though and possibly make the situation any more awkward, someone cleared their throat. It came as no surprise really that Guy would be the one to interrupt them while Kyle… Dick could guess where Kyle was by looking at how tightly Guy was gripping the table, face redder than it should be.

“Guys, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave,” Guy said and Dick could tell this was a more watered down tone than he usually uses when telling customers to leave. “Feel free to come back another night, but either settle this bullshit argument or  _ fuck _ —ing leave each other alone.”

Dick wanted to say something about how that  _ fuck _ didn’t sound like it belonged in the sentence, but he didn’t. Spare himself some trouble, he was probably going to be beaten up by Roy in an alley in a few minutes anyways.

Roy seemed to have no complaints as he took out his wallet and slid some cash towards Guy. He figured he’d do the same and even though he didn’t know what the actual costs were, so just to be sure he slid two fifty notes. Either he was feeling generous or he was tipsy enough to not care about money, who knew?

When he stepped outside in the cold, Dick wasn’t sure if he should take his car and drive back to Bludhaven. Taking a train was probably a safer choice in general, but in Gotham it’s more likely you’ll get killed in a train by some psychopath dressed as a clown than by drunk driving.

He decided to just drive. At least if he got into a car accident, he has Bruce who can pay the expenses.

“Hey Dick, wait,” a voice suddenly called and Dick turned around to face Roy. “Just so you know… I meant every word I said back in there.”

Dick raised an eyebrow at that statement. “Yeah, no shit you did and trust me, so did I,” he firmly said, just letting Roy know that he was also serious, but not trying to pick a fight.

“Not like that. I mean, really…” Roy hesitated there, running a hand through his hair. “You should contact Jason again. No promise he’ll reply, but… but maybe it’ll give you some peace, knowing you’ve at least tried to apologize.”

Sometimes Roy was an insufferable bastard who drank and smoked way more than should be healthy for one person and it was a genuine surprise he’s still alive. Sometimes, very rarely though, Roy was just Roy: the boy he became friends with almost ten years ago.

It brought a smile to his face for the first time that night. “I will keep that in mind. I have one question though…”

And sometimes Dick also enjoyed being an insufferable bastard and seeing Roy be all anxious for no reason.

“Need a ride home?” he offered after a dramatic pause.

A loud sigh escaped Roy’s lips, but after recovering from his initial worry, he accepted the worry.

As they sat in the car, driving Roy to whatever his current home address was, Dick just thought about so many things. He thought about his brothers’ relationships, Bruce’s engagement, his earlier interaction at work and how he just hoped that Roy, bless the boy’s soul, could escape whatever was holding him down so much.

And he thought about Jason and how he already knew what he was gonna do the second he gets home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this turned out way longer than i intended, but hey, we got Roy in the story
> 
> btw i full on said fuck canon with this chapter and we keeping that up for the rest of the story.
> 
> as always, i appreciate any and all comments and if you wanna bully me, my tumblr is elninhoee ✌️


	3. Chapter 3

Except Dick never made it home and he woke up in a bed that wasn’t familiar, but did have a familiar scent.

He could recognize the cologne anywhere and when he sat up in the bed, staring at the wall that had a few picture frames hanging on it, his suspicions were only confirmed: he had somehow found his way into Roy’s place.

Into Roy’s place and presumably also into Roy’s bed, judging by the fact there weren’t any camera surrounding the bed or a closet filled with sex toys. None that he was aware of, at least: just a floor filled with clothes, his own scattered across it except for his boxers, and something that looked like bills.

A thousand thoughts were going through his mind about how he could’ve  _ possibly _ ended up in Roy’s bed. The night before, he wasn’t that wasted, was he? Wasted enough to go home with his ex’s best friend and, from the looks of it, also have sex with him.

He was almost too embarrassed to get out of bed and face the consequences of what had happened, but it wasn’t much later that he heard light footsteps approaching the room. Dick must’ve frozen in place or looked some kind of shaken up because Roy’s first reaction was a worried stutter that was almost incoherent, but the concern faded when he moved to look at Roy.

“Good morning, Dick,” Roy said, a grin spread across his face. If they had sex, shit, Roy looked great for someone who either fucked or got fucked a few hours prior. “Slept well?”

Even though Dick nodded, he couldn’t get over the entire ‘being half dressed in ex’s best friend’s bed’ thing. “Roy… Roy, what did we do last night?” he asked. There was no better way to find out than directly asking.

“Nothing. Hey, don’t look at me like that,” he called Dick out when he noticed the look of disbelief on his friend’s face. “I’m not the best lover, but I’m no sex offender. Besides, I don’t sleep with my friend’s ex,” he stated oh-so-confidently that it made Dick chuckle.

“Didn’t you date Kori for a while? You know, the girl I dated during high school and Jason then dated before he met me?” Dick reminded him smugly, propping up a pillow against the headframe before leaning back against it.

Roy shrugged. “What can I say? She’s one of a kind, will never find one like her again. At least, not on Earth,” he said as if it was a valid excuse, but quickly found himself lost in thought about the wonderful girl that is Kori. Shit, he really was a fool for ever letting her go with that—

Then Dick glared at him and it was like meeting the Devil.

“Okay, head in the game, I get it,” Roy said, returning his focus to the conversation. “My point is, nothing happened. You were drunk and tired, so I let you sleep in my bed while I took the couch.”

Well, that sounded fine. “You shouldn’t have…” Dick said, but quickly realized how ungrateful he sounded. “But thanks. You’re a great friend, you know,” he added and it earned him a genuine laugh from Roy. The sound was so brief, but it made him feel warm inside instantly.

“I know. A great friend, probably won’t be a good father…” Roy murmured, running a hand through his hair that was finally visible for once, the cap he usually wore discarded to the chair in the corner of the room.

Dick wasn’t deaf though, nor was he incredibly stupid to not hear what Roy just said. “Father?” he asked curiously. A few memories of the night before came back: Roy was stressed, clearly troubled by something. “Wait, is this what last night—”

“I’ll tell you later,” Roy interrupted quickly, all the joy that had been in his voice before sucked out at once and replaced with a much colder tone. Dick took that as his hint to shut up. “Now, what do you want for breakfast?”

* * *

Dick kept looking at his phone, tapping his feet nervously. After he had made Roy promise he’d make waffles, he had taken his sweet time getting ready: people forgot that sure, Roy may love the streets and the surprises it brings with it, lived for the thrill of it, but he was raised by a rich man. A rich man whose name was Oliver Queen, to be exact, and Oliver was no good example in any way, but he seemed to have drilled his old playboy makeup routine into Roy’s head.

Dick didn’t mind that at all. His hair smelled like coconut and his skin like cranberries. Charcoal toothpaste and a quick face mask after shaving his face? Shit, he had to talk with Bruce about teaching this kind of self care to Tim and Damian because he was enjoying himself too much.

But as he sat there in front of the man who always smelled like coconut, cranberries and some unnamed cologne, he realized how far he had actually taken self care. Shit, he should’ve left his phone in the bedroom, never opened Instagram and—

“Stop shaking, you’re moving the table as well,” Roy complained and Dick could feel a foot kicking against his calf. “Fuck, not even an earthquake would make the table shake this much,” the complaining continued and Dick rubbed the back of his neck.

As he slowly got his feet to stop shaking, he tried to think of what excuse to give. “Sorry, just thinking about…”

“Jason,” Roy said as if he was reading his mind. The expression on his face became much more serious though as he put down his fork and leaned closer, putting a hand on Dick’s arm and he was sure their calves were touching. “You really need to get your shit together, man,” he said softly, looking Dick straight in the eyes with a genuine look of concern.

“Says the one who is either behind on child support or panicked about having to raise a child soon,” Dick retorted, changing the topic before he’d have to admit anything.

Roy’s face dropped and he hesitantly pulled back his hand. “Neither, actually,” he mumbled, but seemed to have changed his mind a second lter. “At least I don’t think I’m that behind on child support… nor am I too panicked…”

“At least tell me it wasn’t a drunk accident and that you know for sure the child is yours,” Dick said. Frankly he couldn’t really care less, but he felt like Roy could use someone to talk to about the kid.

“Does the name Jade Nguyen ring any bells?” Roy questioned before chuckling when he saw Dick’s eyes widening. “Yeah, summer romance, got her pregnant. I wasn’t drunk, I promise, but now we have a daughter and…”

Dick could sense that the story was about to take a bad turn, so he tried to intervene before that happened. “What’s her name?” he asked

“Lian Harper,” Roy answered and Dick has seen his friend smile so many times before, both genuine and fake smiles, but he could tell just from the smile how precious Lian was to him. The kind of smile that only screamed love and adoration. “Jade told me about the pregnancy right when she found out and, well, I was responsible for once and decided to co-parent. Co-parenting turned into me paying child support until she messed up so bad that Lian now has a brand on her ba—“

Another bad turn, his instincts were shouting it at him, and after seeing that smile, the last thing he wanted to see was a bad turn. “You’re two seconds away from telling me your entire life story, Roy. Sure you wanna continue?” Dick interrupted again, not wanting his friend to believe he had to tell the entire story now that Lian was brought up.

“I just regret not fighting for full custody when I could. I at least should’ve raised her, you know?” Roy continued, but had clearly changed the course of his story a little as his mood brightened a little. “Have her here with me for a week or so every once in a while, been more present in her life, but now I’m not even sure if she knows me while I’m supposed to raise her from now on,” he said, sounding clearly frustrated with either himself or his past decisions. There probably wasn’t a difference between those two for Roy anyways.

“Hey, you’ve got me if you need help. Jason also has your back,” Dick said. It was all the support he had to offer: he couldn’t take care of himself to save his life, let alone help one of his friends with their daughter, but he was willing to help.

“I think he’s still mad that I didn’t tell him about Lian earlier, but thanks,” Roy said and it just broke Dick a little that he recognized the smile as being one of the fake ones. “I’m just thinking of having a normal nine to five job now though, can’t really record while also having a two year old running around the place.”

Just the thought of Roy having a regular job made Dick laugh. “Roy, you and I both know you’d still find a way to record at your  _ normal _ job. Isn’t being an exhibitionist part of your entire persona?” he asked, still laughing a little. He never watched Jason’s videos often and definitely not Roy’s videos, but he knew what Roy’s persona  _ Arsenal _ was like.

It seemed like he had asked the wrong question though.

“The last person who I want to be encouraged by to continue my porn career is the same person who broke up with my best friend because of his porn career,” Roy cut him off in a sharp tone that made Dick almost jump in his seat, but instead he decided to spill the secret he had been keeping for a solid thirty minutes.

“I… I’ve unblocked Jason,” Dick said quietly, looking at his phone again in the hope he’d receive the notification he wanted to see so badly. “On Instagram, at least. Both accounts, requested to follow his personal account again.”

“Give me your phone,” Roy demanded and held out his hand, but pulled it back again when he realized that Dick was refusing to comply. “Promise me you’ll send him something though, even if it’s something like ‘hey, I’ve lost my jacket. Do you have it’ or so,” he sighed. It was too early for this.

The little twinkle in Dick’s eyes made Roy perk up, expecting either a dumbass idea or also a dumbass idea, but written in fancy letters. “Maybe… I think I might even have a better idea,” was the only thing that Dick ended up revealing about his idea, but Roy felt like it was written in fancy letters. 

“Good. Now, eat your breakfast,” Roy said and slid the carton of apple juice in Dick’s direction before glancing at the clock. “You don’t have work today, do you?”

Dick looked at the clock as well and shrugged. “I’m sure they don’t mind if I come in a little late.”

* * *

Red riding Hood  
And it’s definitely not the only reason and I can promise you that I still love you  
But Jason, this isn’t a life I can live  
I’m so sorry  
I love you, but have a good life  
**Today** 8:43 AM  
Hey, wanna go out and buy some gifts for Roy and his daughter?  


He forgot how difficult it was to get a genuine reply from Jason when he’s pissed at you.

A few days had passed since he sent that text and he still had no reply. Not that he was expecting it to come any time soon, but couldn’t a man dream?

Not much happened on Instagram either, but he knew Jason was still active. One of the perks of having a porn star as a boyfriend was getting free access to their premium Snapchat stories. Not that he ever really used Snapchat and even had deleted it for a long time, but remembered just how unlikely it was that he had blocked Jason on there.

He was right. He hadn’t blocked Jason on Snapchat, nor was he removed from Jason’s premium stories. Dick knew how old some of the clips were, so he assumed every clip he didn’t recognize was a more recent one.

It was a quick way to find out how your ex was doing. A way that made him wonder how much Bruce actually rubbed off on him, but hey, info was info. If none of Jason’s friends was willing to give it, he had to find another way.

Bruce definitely rubbed off on him.

He didn’t like to watch any of it though. Sure, Jason looked like an actual god in all clips and effortlessly had Dick wrapped around his finger with just a simple smile, but there was a technique to making porn and Jason had clearly mastered that technique.

And maybe he did enjoy watching it, but just didn’t want to admit it. The solo videos were fine, Dick had quickly gotten used to that when they first started dating. The clips where Roy had his cock deep inside Jason’s ass - or vice versa, they probably decided by playing rock paper scissors - hurt a little more, but there was only platonic love between them. Dick knew that.

And he knew the same went for Artemis and Bizarro. Kori has always hurt a little more and now it definitely hurt a lot more, seeing as he dated both Kori and Jason.

But the more he watched, the more comfortable he became with the idea of Jason having sex with other people. No open relationship, but business that he didn’t want to be too involved in, but he knew Jason had to do if he wanted to live a decent life.

He had always known that, but like some dumbass never realized what it’d exactly entail until during the ceremony.

* * *

Another week must’ve passed before Dick finally got a notification that he could be excited for.

_ tason jodd (@jasonptodd) has accepted your follow request _ shouldn’t have excited him as much as it did, but he had waited two weeks. Two damn weeks until he finally got some sort of acknowledgement as apparently the fact he almost religiously watched his Snapchat stories had gone either unnoticed or ignored.

Scrolling through Jason’s Instagram feed was always an adventure. It was probably the main reason why Tim first questioned if he had some sort of personality disorder before asking for his name.

This time, it was a little more empty. With only five pictures posted, it took only a minute to check them all out. Library visit, stupid video of Roy, a dumb video of Jason posted by Roy and holiday pictures.

He was about to read the comments, see if there was perhaps a reason behind this, but all he found was Jason getting bullied by his friends. He was on the third picture when his phone buzzed in his hands and a notification popped up.

Lian moves in next week. Roy doesn’t know how to furnish shit to save his life tho  
As long as you get me food afterwards, meet me at the mall @1pm  
Don’t ask where, you’ll just find me somewhere  


And suddenly life was taking many good turns that he hadn’t been expecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wish this chapter was longer, better and just good, but i didn’t want to wait ages before updating. i also hate html, but i don’t like adding pictures for the texts, so i be writing that shit with like a gun to my head except i’m holding the gun to my own head
> 
> oh yeah, i also updated the story’s rating just in case coughcheekclappingcough
> 
> enough mindless blabber, stay safe y’all


End file.
